Saturday, June 27, 2015

Man Plans His Way, But . . . .

Well, the house we were supposed to close on in the Atlanta area on July 24th is out. After we did inspections, the sellers wouldn’t do some of the significant repairs that needed to be done. So, as seems to be our normal modus operandi, we have no idea where we’re going to live and need to be there in one month for the kids to start school on time.

Our Realtor/Friend is working tirelessly trying to figure something out for us, and we are considering putting offers on houses we haven’t even seen. We are also considering renting, but we have more pets than most landlords allow, and we don’t really want to rent for a year and then have to move yet again. (While I know it may be hard to believe, packing and unpacking are not our hobbies, although I realize they must appear to be.)

In the meantime, the cumulative effect of chemo continues to take a toll on me, so I’m not much use except to supervise pet naps in the family room and make sure the couch stays in place. I struggle with neuropathy, fuzzy brain, dizziness, exhaustion, and muscle and bone soreness. I walk like I’m about 95 years old, and I have to take breaks halfway through my journey from the parking lot to the door, when I go out . . . not exactly inconspicuous. Sometimes, it makes me sad. Other times, it makes me angry. Either way, I frequently shed a few tears each day.

Still, I am thankful; I know this could be much worse. My family is patient with me and continues to amaze me with positive attitudes through all of the turmoil; and family and friends continue to encourage me with cards, texts, emails, and offers to help. I know there are many who walk this road without such amazing support, and I thank God daily for His blessings to me.

At this part of our Summer of 2015 chapter, I am reminded of two Scripture passages that seem to fit our story:  
  • “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
  • “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’” James 4:13-15

I am keenly aware of the reality that all that happens is occurring within the ultimate sovereignty of God, and His ways are right and good. We are not in control, and He is not OUT of control. Our lives are a mist, and God is the one who breathed that mist into being. He is not surprised by any of the chaos we see from our vantage point. He is just weaving a tapestry that we see from the back side. Our view is not the right way of looking at the picture, but He knows what story He is creating.

So for now, we take one step at a time and pray that He will lead us to the right place to live, in the right timeframe, where our children will be in the best schools for them, and where we can live our lives walking in the paths He has paved for us to grow in our trust of Him.

In the meantime, the heart of this (wo)man is continuing to try to plan our way. :-/

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